Saturday, November 12, 2005

The First One

This is my first posting. So let me give you just a quick overview...get you up to speed.

As my profile states, I'm 39 years old and gay. I'm just coming out of a relationship that I've been in and out of for the last couple of years. We were married - Massachusetts allows it - this past summer, on our twelfth anniversary. It didn't last long.

As I alluded to, we had been on the rocks for the last couple of years. Silly me for agreeing to marriage. But as it goes in this crazy world of love, we lose sight of reality and cling on hoping that this will finally be the "thing" that will make it all better. God, was I stupid. He went back to his "X" a month and a half after our wedding.

And to make it all crazier and for you to really get a picture into my warped mind. We're still friends. Well sort of. We own a house together. And Bandit, the genesis of this blog, is our "son". (For those of you unfamilar with the gay world, dogs are our children. I suppose that's not just a gay thing though is it?) It's just that we've been together for so long (in the gay world an eternity) and been apart and back together so many times it's just hard to let it all go. Not so much him (well maybe a little) but us...our life...the dog (never!). It's sort of a redefining of Rick. Who is he now that he's not with someone else. Oh God that's so co-dependent.

I've been recently listening to some metaphysical-like tapes. They're actually quite good. It's called "The Release Technique" or the "Sedona Method". Ever hear of it? Essentially it boils down to this life is a dream ALL created by you...well me in my case. I've created my "gay divorce", Bandit, blogging...the world! We're all one in the same. It's pretty deep and you probably think I'm one or two eggs shy of a dozen but nonetheless I find it helpful. Emotions and feelings are what is tying us down and not seeing the bigger picture.

By the way, Bandit says hello.

2 comments:

Rick Barnes said...

Good luck with your blog, it can be a lot of work! I look forward to reading here.

Cheers

Rick
Kelowna BC
Canada

Yagov said...

Why would you marry if you knew the relationship was on the rocks?

Listen to me! I was in a traditional (non-gay) marriage for 29 years (32 legally) when it never should have happened and was dead 15 years before I called it quits.