Sunday, November 13, 2005

Truth or Dare

Okay, so I survived creating a post and even got one comment! Thank you Rick Barnes. In case you haven't seen, Rick runs several interesting gay Blogs up in Canada. (I'd insert a hyperlink but I'm still new to this.)

Not sure anybody other than Rick above is reading (or will read) but I'll go on assuming there's more than one...

Truth or Dare? How about both?

Truth: I have a crush on our local weatherman. I know he's gay. A friend of mine saw him in Provincetown over the summer and it's all over the gay community that he is. Dare: In an act of desperation, I e-mailed him just to say hello. It was just a polite like-your-forecasts type of thing. And he responded! Now I'm debating whether (weather???) or not to...I don't know...ask him out I guess. Or at least explore the "gay" thing through e-mail. Saying something like 'I know your partnered but in the off chance you're looking to date/meet friends, give me a ring.' You think that's too obvious?

A friend of mine used to tell me I was "too obvious with boys". And I always replied with, "then they'll never know you're interested". He's still single. But wait a minute, I'm pending divorce so who knows who's right.

I shouldn't be getting wrapped up in men. I told myself when this whole thing went down with my husband/ former-husband/ friend/ occasional-romp (Oh God I'm so screwed up), that I wouldn't get involved with another man for at least a year. I need time for myself. Hence the metaphysical tapes I mentioned yesterday. But dating. Does that count? It's not like I'm asking for marriage. God no!

Truth: During one of the many split ups, I fell in love with another man.

Okay, let me just catch you up here. As I mentioned yesterday, I got married in the summer but we had been on the rocks several time prior. And earlier this year, I (we) was (were) seeing other people. Well, me really just one. And I fell in love. I'm such a softy at heart: It all happened so quickly. We saw each other intently for about three months. But then he couldn't handle me either. I was too pushy, wanted too much out of him, wanted more of a relationship than he was willing to give. But even now - this is the weird part - I still hold a torch for him. More so than the man I married! I know, I know...I'm so screwed up. What am I doing to myself?

I went out to the club last night hoping to bump into him. He's usually there on Saturdays but he wasn't last night. So I went home in a funk.

I really just need to let go of all this. It's so silly really.

Remember, life is but a dream! Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream.

By the way, Bandit says hello.

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