Sunday, December 24, 2006

Christmas Eve 2006

Phyllis, Will, Brian and I went to the 1640 Hart House last night. I wrote about this place before. It’s really fabulous. We had a great dinner, good wine and excellent company. I enjoyed myself. Afterward we went to the Club where we danced our heads off. It was a good evening.

Looking forward to Christmas Eve at my sister’s house. We’ll be having a prime rib dinner that my brother- in - law purchased. It’s enormous. It will feed seven people. I think he paid about $100 just for one piece of meat. It’ll be worth every bite. He makes it really good. If I haven’t said it before, he’s a fantastic cook.

I think I pissed off a couple people with yesterday’s gay Tom Brady post. Gosh, it’s not like being gay is an insult anymore. Geez, get over it. Do I really think he’s gay? Probably not. Do I care? Only if he’s going to make a pass my way. Enough about it...

So what are you doing for Christmas Eve? Last year I spent it going to the library and taking out a bunch of books, reading and going to bed early. It wasn’t the best Christmas last year.

Every once in awhile I still get weirded out: Thinking about the past, worrying about the future, wondering if I’m doing the right things. I guess that’s normal right? Last night after coming home from a good night, I was a little emotional. Can’t quite put my finger on it but maybe it’s just that there’s so much going on in my life both personally, professionally and emotionally I guess I just need to cut myself some slack. I don’t know.

Do you ever feel like you’re alone even when in a crowd or with a loved one? Sometimes I feel like that. I hate that feeling. Like no one is listening. Maybe that’s why I like my Blog: I get to be heard. I guess I need a lot of acknowledgement from others...society...in order to feel accepted, needed, recognized...loved.

Wow, that was pretty revealing. Got to bring that one up in therapy. Over and out...

Have a Merry Christmas!

Rick

9 comments:

Spider said...

My Christmas Eve will be just like my Christmas - quiet and at home... I have gotten used to it and I would not have it any other way! And you are right Rick - I think that is why most of us blog - to be heard when we thing no one is listening...

Hope you have a wonderful and peaceful Holiday!

Charles said...

I feel alone even when though, two other poeple are here at house. Though, I will admit part of it is because, I can't be myself. I'm use to it. As for my Christmas Eve, I have been listening to programs on PBS. Got to see my sister's younger kids.

Maddog said...

Christmas Eve was spent napping at home, dinner and a movie with friends, dessert with other friends and now I am home watching the Hallmark Channel. There's a Dolly Parton Christmas movie on. It's wonderful.

I agree with Spider. I think we all blog to be heard because so often we are not heard in our lives.

Merry Christmas, Rick. Have a great day tomorrow.

Bruce said...

Rick,

Glad you had a good Christmas eve, despite the "afterthoughts." I spent mine alone, listening to Vivaldi and Haendel operas, since I couldn't be with my partner. He had to make his annual pilgramage to his homophobic parents; since they are old, sick, and very rigid, we've decided not to fight the situation, and give in, at least superficially. And since I am not Christian, and believe that we should all strive for peace and harmony 365 days a year, the holiday isn't really very significant for me.

As for your feeling of loneliness, even with loved ones (forget the alone in a crowd feeling; we all have that!): When I feel alone even with loved ones, my first reaction is to check for self inflicted wounds.

Do I really want to be heard? Am I presenting my ideas or feelings in a way that will make them reach the target person? Am I taking his position into consideration in formulating the presentation? Sometimes we engineer misunderstandings or indifference to our feelings to fortify our Romantic feelings of "the misunderstood sensitive young man."

(Rick, please understand that I am not suggesting that this is the case with you. I don't know you well enough to make that assumption. I'm just putting this forth as a possibility.)

Also, there are frequently areas of our being that even our closest intimates can't, or for some reason won't understand. Accepting this is really what we're talking about when we refer to compromises in relationships.

But Rick, if it's really important to you, and you've done everything in your power to "get through," it's time for a talk with the person concerned.

As for blogging: I use blogging to test out ideas with a group of interested individuals and to increase the scope of the field that offers me intellectual stimulation. While I have developed affection and concern for some of those, including you, Rick, that read my blog, I resist having blogging substitute for anything in "real" life. My real friends are those with whom I have not only communication, but but to whom I feel a sense of obligation and have a corresponding sense of obligation toward me.

Blogging, on the other hand, is blessedly free of such obligations. While this freedom allows us also greater freedom of expression, it is also of much less consequence than "actual" relationships. If we loose sight of this, and let blogging subsitute for what needs to be accomplished in real life, it become a form of intellectual and emotional masturbation.

dbv said...

and on a much lighter note than bruce.... mary!!! christmas!!!

Rick Bettencourt said...

Bruce - very interesting insight.

Maximus Leo said...

Enough said - we all go through these phases but after following your blog for the last 10 months, I can savely say that you have done pretty well for yourself after going through a roller coaster ride! Have faith in yourself and remember not to under sell yourself. Give yourself a pat on your back! you deserve it. Merry Christmas and Wishing you a very Prosperous 2007 year.

Donnie said...

I hope you had a wonderful Christmas, Rick!

I agree with you about blogging and it being an acknowledgement.

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