Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Fear: False Evidence Appearing Real

Recently someone told me that fear is false evidence appearing real. Sometimes I let fear hold me back. We all do. Am I scared? Hell yes! Opening your heart and your life is always a risk but to me it's a risk worth taking.

I try and keep this fear-mantra foremost in my head as I traverse down a new path in my life. For I want to allow the real me to shine forth. And I am.

Someone once told me that I am a selfless, honest, loyal and supportive lover. I was honored by the compliment.

The last few years, for a variety of reasons, I have been more selfish. And while being selfish can be a good thing, it doesn't mean self-centered individualism. The worlds full of that already. Selfish means giving kindnesses to yourself like allowing time to exercise, me-time to read your favorite book etc. It doesn't mean overly spoiling yourself but showing yourself self-respect.

I think I do a good job at balancing my needs with that of my partner's. While I allow kindnesses to myself and am selfish, I also do what's right for him. I want to make him feel first. For he is.

I am devoted and supportive of him when he's feeling down. I like to go the extra mile to do something for him just to make him happy. While I realize happiness is one's own state of being that I can only influence, I love to see others happy. To that end I listen hard and carefully observe. I like to go shopping with my partner and see what it is he likes then go back to that very same store a week or two later buy it, wrap it up and surprise him just for the hell of it. Or if he mentions doing something that's really important to him, something that I may not necessarily like, I'll find the time to do it anyway, or at the least send him off on his merry way to do it by himself. If that's what makes him happy.

I also speak the truth. This sometimes gets me in trouble but I like to be open and honest. If I do something stupid (and we all do it), I feel obligated to tell him. Like "oh honey...I accidentally broke into your cell phone and read your private text messages. Oops!"

But mostly I forgive. I know when love is worth fighting for, when things feel right. I can forgive the mistakes. Just don't let them happen again! Or you'll hear from me! : )

Anyway, just a few words of wisdom from some gay guy in Boston. Over and out...


1 comment:

Donnie said...

What a great post, Rick! I need to find a man just like you. ;)