Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Rambling On

I feeling like writing a wandering post today. You know one of those memes with no point, just a rambling mess.

Not quite sure why but I haven't written in free form in awhile. Guess, I'm afraid I'll write something that someone will read and be offended by. Well, fuck them! I'm back. Last I checked this was my blog right? Well, if you ask Bandit...

Today I woke up to the house being about 20 degrees. To conserve heat (you know me and pinching pennies) before going to bed last night, I turned the thermostat WAY down. Besides I hate waking up in the middle of the night all hot and sweaty (unless it's because of...never mind). So this morning when I awoke at 4:45 there were icicles hanging from the ceiling fan. Of course I still have the fan going and probably will all winter long to circulate the air but this morning it made the ambient room temperature of 20 feel more like 0 once factoring in the wind chill. Brrrr!

Yet I love waking up to a nice cool, not freezing, house. I snuggle up under the blankets and cuddle up next to my partner or Bandit for that matter to gain warmth. It just sucks when you have to get out.

On a completely different topic, I've realized that a lot of my worries and fears stem from a having strong desire for security be it financial, relationship-wise or just in general comfort. However, the desire for security often alludes the actual having of it and just creates more worry, anxiety, fear and sadness. So my approach now is to let go of the want. I don't need security; I don't want it.

We'll see how that goes. I don't want you to get the wrong impression. It's not as if I'm sitting here all angst ridden feeling like an insecure idiot. I think a lot of people feel like they want more and that some thing in the future will satiate their needs. I'm realizing now that I'm chasing something that by it's very nature will always be out in front of me and never here and now. So I'm dropping the want like a rock! And with that hoping that the feeling of security will come but then that means I must still want it. Oh well...I'm trying.

Anyway, this is my last full week of work. Then I get a much deserved Christmas break. I don't go back till January 2nd. I will try not to bring too much work home with me but knowing me, I will. In my downtime I will pour through documentation in preparation for a workout session I'm facilitating next month. But more importantly I want to use this break to recharge. I've always enjoyed taking this time off. In fact, here's what I did in 2005 and 2006. Remember? God, it's hard to believe I've been writing BanditTalks for over two years!

Oh well gotta run. Over and out...


P.S. Bandit would say hello but he's burrowed under the covers waiting for the heat to kick in before getting out of bed.


dbv said...

how's that book coming from 05???

Rick said...

Still working on it...final draft complete.

Donnie said...

I just love your rambling posts.

Nice photo...you're SO cute. ;)