It's summer. You'd never know it. It's been raining constantly for almost two weeks. It's cold and cloudy. It feels like I'm back in Seattle.
Yesterday was the annual Cancer Walk. The weather was dismal but we didn't let that stop us. Bandit even joined us. It was only 6.5 miles but by the end he was lagging behind. His usual pulling ahead on his leash just wasn't happening. We came home, showered and then off to what was going to be a cookout but wound up being an indoor birthday/Father's Day celebration.
After a weekend of errands, cancer walks and parties, I finally had nothing to do.
Don't get me wrong; I enjoy my downtime. However, I usually enjoy using it to somehow be productive. I suppose one could say that's counter intuitive. Yet during these time you can find me writing, reading, meditating, working out or even logging into the office -- doing something that is producing output or I feel is bettering myself or my situation. When I'm not doing one of these things I feel lethargic and anxious -- one of the reasons I don't watch a lot of television, unless it's educational or news oriented.
So back to last night...
After feeding Bandit and making lunches, I didn't know what to do with myself. I sat in front of the television to watch 60 minutes. Didn't like it. Started flipping. I felt guilty for sitting on my ass when there's so much stuff I should be doing. Yet I really didn't want to log into the office and catch up on emails. I knew that would just make me more anxious. So I sat. We flipped around the 100 or so television stations we pay $140 a month for and never watch. I found nothing of interest and then went onto the computer but had already read all my emails and caught up on my favorite blogs. There wasn't much else to do. It was then I realized I have a problem in doing nothing. Finally around nine, I went to bed with a book (at least educating myself). I read a couple of pages and then got sleepy.
Several hours later here I am. Now it's off to work to be more productive.
Sometimes I wish I could just slow down.