Sunday, March 07, 2010

Gay: The Only Way?


As one who has been attracted to males as early as the age of five, I think people are predisposed to their sexuality at birth. Early detection didn't offer me many years to stew upon the idea and then one day wake with an epiphany: I think I'm going to try dick today. I just went that way like a compass points north (uh hum).

However is being gay really the only way? While I wouldn't want it any other way, the word want is important here. While I'll believe my fellow gay brethren and I were born with the homosexual "agenda" (ha ha), there's something to say about the power of self-persuasion, one's environment. I say "self" because ultimately it comes down to you and what you want and want bad enough.

The fact of the matter is that sexuality is complex. There's no definitive answer as to what makes someone gay or straight. While one could be born with a sexual direction, their environment can play an important role. If I were predisposed to be gay but never acted upon it and went the way of a heterosexual then would I really be gay? I guess it's in how you define gay. Acting on it? Thinking it? Suppressing it?

Some gay individuals that really want to can, as some religious zealots call, "convert" to heterosexuality just as I believe anyone, if they put their mind to something like getting a different job, can. I believe "turning straight" is possible. Don't get me wrong; I don't think it's what gay people should do but if they really want to, go for it.

Saying gays have the ability to turn straight may sound like something from a reparative therapy nut or religious zealot, certainly odd coming from a healthy, and normal as normal can be (I guess) gay person. Yet I strongly believe in will power. If one wants to they can do whatever they put their mind to.

If I really, really wanted to, or was forced to, I could certainly suppress my desire for chocolate ice cream, and never have it again. But why bother? I like it. It's not a problem. My affair with the cocoa bean is not hurting anyone. Neither is my being gay.

6 comments:

Lemuel said...

I would not recommend that anyone suppress the fact that they are gay in order to convince themselves that they are straight. I say that as one who essentially did that for most of his life. I convinced myself that my gay desires were just "temptation" and that I truly was straight. I was so convincing to myself that I am now nearing my 38th wedding anniversary and I have two adult sons. But who was I fooling? At this stage in my life there is little to commend a radical change in my lifestyle. Everything is at a basic equilibrium and in a comfort zone. I can use my position and my life to speak to gay causes in the midst of het world and I can urge young gays around me to find a life which is not lived in denial of their being.

Ur-spo said...

The fact of the matter is that sexuality is complex.

You hit that nail on the head. Humans are very complex, and sexuality even more so.
Perhaps Gore Vidal said it best -

"There are no such thing as homosexual or heterosexual persons, only homosexual and heterosexual acts. And what one does and when is of nobody's business or of cosmic importance to sort it out".

Rick said...

Lemuel -- I agree. I salute you for being you!

Spo - great quote!

Charles said...

I agree with you Rick. Sexuality is complex, but I don't think that it's totally healthy to surpress who you are.

Anonymous said...

I wish the world didn't have to label people. You are who you are. You like what you like. We shouldn't need a label for everything. Do we really care if someone who doesn't eat meat is a vegetarian or a vegan? If a gay man decides that he likes a woman and dates her for a while does it matter if he's called gay or straight? We like what we like, we shouldn't use labels on people. I had a male friend that was married to a man when he lived in the Netherlands. He later married two more times to women. Is he gay or straight...I don't care, I call him my friend.

tornwordo said...

I suppose if I really wanted to be left handed, I could do it, but wouldn't my wiring still be the same? Just because you have the willpower doesn't really necessarily change the wiring. Or does it? I don't know.